Scene: Kitchen (begins with Teddy holding camera)
Teddy:Hi Charlie! There you are, nine months old and look how cute you are! Yeah..And look how cute I am. It's your big sister Teddy here and I'm making this video diary here to help you survive our...special family. Oh, hey looks like Dad taught you how to eat bananas. And there's Mom looking lovelier then ever this morning.
Amy: Not in the mood. Okay I think you've had enough banannas so we're switching to sweet peas! You're gonna love them, look Mommy think there so yummy look.Mmmm...(spit)
Teddy: Very smart always let Mommy try it first, 'kay? (Scene switches to Family Room) Oh, there's your older brother PJ doing today's homework at the last minute as usual.
PJ: This isn't today's homework, it's yesterday's homework.
Teddy: There's a chance you two will be in high school together. Oh, and there's Dad preparing for another's day work, he kills bugs for a living.
Bob: Honey, come on, we've been through this. I don't kill bugs, I'm a pest control specialist.
Teddy: Either way, (moves finger across neck, signaling 'dead') So, now you met the whole family.
Gabe: Forgetting somebody?
Teddy: Gabe! No,no,no, I,I didn't forget about you! I was just saving the best for last! Charlie, that was your younger, older brother Gabe. (turns to Gabe) You want to say something to Charlie?
Gabe: You ruined my life.
Teddy: Okay, so, it's taking Gabe a little longer to get used to you. Your kind of a suprise...
Gabe: Thought suprises were supposed to be good.
Teddy: And Cut. (puts away camera)
Amy: Okay gang, listen up! I'm going back to work tonight at the hospital for the first time since Charlie was born. So I want everybody to stay at home and help Dad with the baby.
Teddy: No Mom, I'm not going to be here tonight, I have a study date at the library.
PJ: Don't you mean studly date? With Spencer? (makes kissing noises)
Teddy: Oh save it for your pillow!
Amy: I'm sorry Teddy, but you'are just gonna have to reschedule.
Teddy: But Dad...
Bob:Um, Dad's not available right now.
Teddy: Mom, don't take this the wrong way, but why did you guys have to have another baby?
Amy: Well, because three kids were just too easy, three's for quiters!
Bob: And Teddy, you know better to schedule a study date with a boy I never met. Come on, as Dad it's my reponsibility to know every detail in my kids' life.
Gabe: Oh yeah? What school do I go to?
Bob: Um..The school named after that president? (Gabe shakes his head) Hey, you know what? I drive you kids to school!
Teddy: Let's go.
Gabe: But. I haven't even have had breakfast yet!
Bob: Let's go.
Gabe:..most important meal of the day! (looks at kitchen) Never got it.
Bob: Let's go. (motions at door)I gotta get you to mm..ro..Rossevelt?
Bob: Got it.
(Theme Song Plays, click here for lyrics)
Amy: Bob, honey, I'm leaving for work! Okay Honey, here's Charlie's schedule.Tells when to feed her, when to change her, and when to put her down.
Bob: Sweatheart, won't you relax? Big Daddy's got it all under control.
Amy: Okay just beacuse thats on your barbeque apron doesn't make it true.Now, if Charlie gets fussy, her rubber ducky will calm her down. They're all over the place, please be careful. They're all over the place.
Bob: Honey, you seem to be forget I was fully involved in the raising of three kids.
Gabe: Well, yeah? When's my birthday?
Bob: July 12th.
Gabe: November 23rd.
Bob: Got it.
Amy: Good luck Charlie.
(Amy kisses Charlie)
(Amy kisses Bob, then leaves for work)
Gabe: Hey Dad.
Gabe: I have a homework question.
Bob:Okay fire away.
Gabe: Can the average human lick his own armpit?
Bob: Umm...(trys to lick his armpit) Yeah.
Bob: So what was that? Like a science question?
Scene: Teddy runs into Family Room
Teddy: I'll get it.I'll get it, I'll get it. Nobody else get it.(points to Bob) Hi.
Bob: Hi, I am Teddy's dad.
Spencer: Nice to meet you sir.
Teddy: Um, me and Spencer are studying for our biology test tomorrow.
Bob: Are you now?
Teddy: Yes, yes we are so could everybody please leave (referring to Spencer)-not you.
Bob: I thought your mom said no study date!
Teddy: Yeah at the library.
Bob: Oh right OK. So then you've talked to her about this.
Teddy: Of course I did (Bob nods) I mean I'm.. I'm pretty sure I did. I just talk to so many people about so many different things.
Spencer: Why is there a giant bug in your house?
Bob: That my friend is the Jerusalem cricket better known by the laymen as the potato bug. I'm an exterminator.
Teddy: Here we go.
Bob: See my add on local cable. Bob's Bugs Be Gone.
Teddy: Yeah how do we make Bob be gone?
Bob: OK. You've got homework to do, I've got a diaper to change. Hers not mine. (Laughs) I ain't that old. (continues laughing). I'll be upstairs.
Teddy: Gabe, out!
Gabe: OK, Fine. But when's that hot guy getting here?
Teddy: (chases Gabe) OUT!
(Gabe runs into kitchen. Teddy and Spencer sit on couch)
(They start to pull out books)
Spencer: Man, I forgot my book at school.
Teddy: Oh, that's ok. We can just... share mine (sit closer together). Is that ok?
(Both smile and nod)
Teddy: Good. Cause I'm all about the learning.
Spencer: Let me just grab a pencil
Teddy: Yeah I might have one.
(Both look in bags. Spencer sprays his breath, Teddy applies lip gloss)
Teddy: I think I left my pencils at school
Spencer: Me too (blows his breath at her)
(Sit and smile at each other for a few seconds)
PJ(off screen): Ladies and gentlemen! PJ and the Vibe! (start playing music really bad)
Spencer: Wow! Sounds like you live right next to that weird PJ guy.
Teddy: Yeah, he's not next door. He's downstairs. And he's my brother.
Spencer (shocked): Oh sorry!
Teddy: Yeah, me too!